A sexpert recommends: the best therapists, festivals and ethical porn
Lucy-Anne Holmes, founder of the hugely successful ‘No More Page 3′ campaign and author of Don’t Hold my Head Down Part sex memoir, part how-to manual, shares some of her recommendations when it comes to sex therapists, ethical porn, sex festivals, and more.
SEX THERAPISTS
Whatever your issue, chances are someone here can help you. Set up by couple Katy and Kian and based in Devon, they, and others work with individuals, couples and groups and also host workshops about consent, healing after trauma, embodiment and more. They also train UK Sexological Bodyworkers, and are inclusive, trusted and respected.
A sex and intimacy coach and psychologist who is on a mission to create an open and shame-free dialogue around sex (if anyone can do it she can!). Hugely likable and passionate about her work, Lori Beth helps individuals, couples and groups with a massive range of issues, from recovering from trauma to navigating polyamory. This is a great website with regular podcasts.
A sex and tantra expert with ‘High wisdom in the art of orgasms’, Layla has a huge selection of online videos, which are a good port of call for a host of issues. She does deeply moving work around self-love and healing after sexual trauma. She opens up about her own experiences of STDs, abortion and abuse as well as giving instruction on penis massage and orgasm.
CONSENT WORKSHOPS
The School of Consent teaches the work of Betty Martin who coined the wonderful Wheel of Consent. They hold workshops for individuals, couples and companies. It’s eye-opening, life-changing stuff covering clarity around giving and receiving, making clear agreements as well as looking at any shadow that often comes into play. There are lots of Wheel of Consent resources available online too.
Jan Day, a relationship expert and coach, is hugely respected in the conscious sexuality scene, her workshops teach people to sense their own boundaries and express them, to ask for what they want and how to say no with love, amongst other wonderful opportunities to explore their own sexuality and sensuality and create the relationships they desire.
I love Marti Birch. She facilitated one of the most mind-blowing workshops I have ever been too. She has been working in the conscious kink scene for some time, and as such she had learned a lot about how important it is to state our boundaries but also how uncomfortable we can be doing so. Simple, effective, affordable workshops sprinkled with Marti’s lovely charm.
ETHICAL PORN
Erica Lust has a few sites (one of which brilliantly offers parents help in discussing porn with kids) and they all offer the alternative to mainstream porn, which so many of us crave. In XConfessions women submit their fantasies and Erica Lust makes beautiful, interesting, sensual, arousing films out of them. Great filmmaking, great art, great sex. Perfect.
Joybear has been winning awards for years, started by Justin Santos, who was fed up with seeing people, especially women, having pleasure-less sex in porn. He hopes to #MakePornBetter and is not doing a bad job of it. Joybear is all about sex positivity, women having a good time, and people being treated fairly. The feel is sexy, fun and fresh.
I sometimes get distracted by the nice lamps and lingerie and forget about the sex with Frolic Me, but I know that many love their stylish, elegant erotic films. I admire the founder, Anna Richards, a mum in a long term marriage, she is careful that only adults see explicit content, you sense she loves what she creates and really cares, ‘I hope not to shock in a negative way.’
SEX FESTIVALS
Osho Leela conscious sexuality festivals are a terrific first stop for dipping your toe in the hippy tantra sexuality world. Some of the best tantra, intimacy, conscious sexuality teachers go there each year to give workshops. Great for delving deep and exploring your sexual self, in a big old house in the Dorset countryside.
Summer and winter house weekends
A birthday party, which grew and grew, and now boasts so much good stuff it is hard to know where to start. Workshops, cabaret, debates, hot tubs and a glorious fancy dress party on the Saturday night when the playrooms open. Great organisers who do so much to keep the weekends inclusive, healthy, safe and respectful.
Spearheaded by the charismatic and rather fetching Adam Taffler, Togetherness is a festival of human connection. Booze free, where the only highs are natural, it offers some playful magic (body painting dance party, mass sleepover, Vim Hoff ice baths anyone?) with a fun and upbeat crowd. Warning: will probably make you feel incredible.
