Did you know it takes four hours to fully open up a women’s body to pleasure? We know what you’re thinking: who has time for that? However it’s important to value the intricacies of women’s pleasure and understand why our bodies require foreplay.

Without foreplay, not only do we cut our opportunity to access deep states of orgasm but, if we are penetrated without full readiness on a physical and emotional level on a regular basis, we can become desensitised; 1 in 6 women in the UK report pain during intercourse. Some vaginas shut up shop completely, so penetration isn’t even an option.

It’s important to bring forth an understanding of the physical and emotional pieces at play when your body and mind are turning on for some lovin’. Combining the two will  enhance your pleasure potential.

LET’S GET PHYSICAL

Did you know that our vagina contains a similar amount of erectile tissue to a man’s genitals? Women store most of this internally so, without curious inspection, it’s less obvious to identify.

When a woman becomes turned on, the blood rushes to the cells of her erectile tissue, which grows and expands the inner and outer appearance of her lady landscape. Her clitoris, which extends with roots up to four inches in length, becomes erect. Her labia minora grow 2-3 times in size. Her urethral sponge (G-spot to you and me) and perineal sponge balloons and grows. As the G-spot balloons, it protrudes, which allows for greater stimulation on penetration. The physical process of expansion in a women’s sex centre is erotically named ‘engorgement’. Witnessing engorgement is similar to watching a hibiscus flower bloom. In heterosexual sex, we wait for a man to become erect before he enters inside a woman’s body. The same treatment should be given to a woman.

Experts in the field refer to penetration before adequate stimulation has occurred as ‘premature intercourse’. Not only is ‘premature intercourse’ intrusive to a unready vagina, it is quite clearly linked to the reason why two in three women fail to climax during each of their sexual encounters.

SO EMOTIONAL

A state of sensitivity arises when we drop away from the mind and come into the body. We live in a society which requires our mind to be switched on, always. Whether we are scheduling our work diary, focusing on a deadline or sprinting towards a health goal, we allow our mind to be the conductor. This creates disassociation from our body and decreases our ability to feel. And feeling is a key factor to accessing pleasure.

Many women simply find it impossible to orgasm, which is almost never to do with a physical inability but actually linked to a lack of time and space to let the mind go, to fully relax, and to release. The greater our ability to embody the body, the deeper and more profound our pleasure will become.

Foreplay is not just about adopting some sexy new tricks before penetration. You could have the most skilled lover ever, but if you aren’t giving yourself the permission to let go, honey, you’ll be buckling up for some mediocre bonks.

How can I have better sex?

Do this simple reflection exercise by asking yourself these questions:

• How long do I spend on foreplay with lovers?
• How long do I spend on foreplay through self pleasure?
• Do I feel pleasure through penetration? Rate this from 1-10.
• Where does my mind go during sex? Am I present in the interaction? Or focused elsewhere and easily distracted?
• Have you watched the process of engorgement occurring in your own body? Are you willing to give it a try?

Follow Grace Hazel on Instagram for advice on female sexuality advice

Read more: How to have better sex