6 life-changing ways to have better sex
It’s an area that, unsurprisingly, is never short on interest and intrigue, so we thought we’d give you what you wanted and branch out our sex content, covering everything from how to improve that part of your life to somehow-still-taboo topics like masturbation and porn for women. Grace Hazel gets it started…
S E X. Are you having it? If so, are your interactions fulfilling? Or does sex hit the mediocre mark at the max?
In London there is an epidemic of average sexual interactions, with over 17% of women saying they fake pleasure at least once every seven days. If your experiences are underwhelming, there’s no point slathering saucy tips over a stagnant sex life, it won’t work long-term since they merely mask what lies beneath it all. It’s time to cultivate a deeper change. One that, with dedication, can transform the faking of orgasms into radiant, long-lasting fulfilment.
Have you ever pondered the thought “Surely there must be more to sex than this?”. Honey, you are NOT ALONE. And yes, there most certainly is.
(This article contains tools for women who wish to change their sex life holistically. These tips can cultivate deep change to the foundation of how you feel and help you embrace your true sexual nature.)
So, where does one begin?
WHAT IS PRESENT IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS CONDITIONING?
Whatever your cultural upbringing, the probability is that you will be carrying around a few (hundred) belief systems around sex, sexuality and what it is to be a sexual woman. You will have soaked them up like a sponge from the moment you were born.
Beliefs such as “sex is promiscuous and shameful”, “couples don’t have as much sex in long-term relationships” and “women are less sexual than men” can be so ingrained in the psyche you don’t consciously realise they are there. Reflect on your upbringing and sexual experiences up until this point. How does your outlook on your sex life mirror that of your family’s and friends’? Unravelling your conditioning leads to liberation. If you find yourself looking at your conditioning and become aware that there is a wealth of clutter to clear, call upon a sexuality coach or sex therapist for assistance in navigating through it.
Self pleasure, the key to good sex. Ladies, if you are not the guru of your own vagina, please question why on earth you expect your lover to take on that role for you. Women are made up of the same parts anatomically, yet our pleasure potential is totally different. Some women find it delicious when their clitoris is stimulated. Others despise their clitoris being touched, yet their G-spot holds abundant pleasure. Many women find their G-spot is numb, yet note anal stimulation is incredible. It is absolutely essential to explore your own body. When we know ourselves inside out, we become responsible for owning that which makes us tick.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY
It’s all well and good having a gold star understanding of your lady landscape through self pleasure, but if you turn mute when your partner asks you what you want or, even worse, expect them to “just know”, prepare to buckle up for a life of average sex. Please do yourself a wonderful favour and take a vow now to activate your voice and vocalise you desires. If something feels off or uncomfortable during a sexual interaction, it’s time to redirect. Soft instructions such as “that feels good but how about this” or “I really like it when you touch me like this”, while lovingly moving their hand, can allow you to kindly and safely teach your lover exactly what you like. It also gives them an invite to communicate what they enjoy, which can allow sex to grow into new levels of exploration.
AVOID GOAL-ORIENTED SEX
It may seem backwards to announce that to have better sex we should let go of orgasm. However when we step into a sexual interaction with the ‘big O’ in mind, the whole experience becomes defined by the peak. You’ve probably heard the quote: ‘it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey”. This applies to sex. When we are in the moment, sex becomes much bigger than our genitals exploding in joy. By dropping the goal of orgasm, the mind softens and we become in tune with what is actually happening. Focus on your breath and the sensations you are experiencing. How present you can be with your partner in each and every moment of your interaction? Sex with presence can extend into hours of erotic indulgence.
LESS EQUALS MORE
Good sex requires time and an abundance of energy. If you arrive home at 8pm, get into bed with your lover at 11pm and set your alarm for 6.30am, initiating a night of love-making will be the last thing on your priority list. Instead of a making sex a regular and half-assed occurrence, which can lead to ongoing dull intimacy, schedule time once a week when you and your lover can immerse in hours of exploration. Avoid planning this sex date when you know you’ll feel sluggish, like after a meal together, especially if it involves booze. Get your phone way out of sight and chuck your to-do list to the side. Show up energised and present, and watch as those lethargic bonks transform into hot rendezvous.
SHOWING UP FOR GOOD SEX
Above all, know that the art of improving your pleasure means working on it. There isn’t a spell that can be casted to suddenly transform you into a tantric master. It takes intrigue, focus and commitment to growing anything in life. Sex is no different. You began today by reading this article. Ask yourself: is improving my sex life a priority? If so, get stuck in. Not tomorrow, not next week, but NOW.
Get in touch with us at firstname.lastname@example.org if you have any subjects you want us to cover in the future. And follow Grace for female sexuality advice and empowerment on her Instagram.