Do you ever find yourself saying “I know what to do… but I just don’t do it”? If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. When it comes to building habits and creating change, for most of us the problem isn’t a lack of information, it’s a lack of implementation.

They say that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. While repetition is important, it’s not the only ingredient and I’m sure we’ve all built new behaviours a lot faster than 3 weeks. I don’t recall it taking anywhere close to that amount of time to develop my nightly Breaking Bad binge-watching habit a few years ago. Clearly there’s more to it than duration and repetition, and why is it so much harder to build habits that are good for us?

The good news is that there are a number of techniques you can put to work to increase your chances of building self-serving rock-solid habits that become “just a part of what you do”. Here are my top three…

1. PRINCIPLE OF +1

How many times have you decided to get a grip of your food or fitness and thrown yourself full on into an exercise regime only to crash and burn after a few days?

Some cynics might say that this characteristically human behaviour is what the diet and fitness industry are based on, as we’re led to believe that the only way to achieve success is by going all in.

But for most of us this approach leads to a frustrating cycle of all or nothing, which usually translates to brief periods of “all”, followed by long spells of “nothing”.

But there’s an alternative approach that spans the gap between the extremes of all and nothing. An approach that focuses on consistent progress rather than temporary flashes of perfection.

Try this exercise:

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is completely off the wagon and 10 is perfect, how would you rate your nutrition goals at the moment?

Let’s say you scored yourself a 3 out of 10 because despite everything else, you’re at least still eating breakfast and having a couple of pieces of fruit a day. The knee-jerk reaction to reaching the ‘I’ve had enough of this’ threshold is to throw yourself full on into a restrictive diet, which is the equivalent of leaping from a 3 to a 10. This can be unpleasant, unsustainable, and unnecessary.

Instead of jumping straight to a 10, ask yourself what would move you from a 3 to a 4? What small thing could you do that would be easy and sustainable enough to put into practice, and would represent progress?

This one thing might not transform your life, but the approach removes the burden of pressure, and allows you to embed new habits before considering how you could move from a 4 to a 5, then a 5 to a 6, and so on.

I recently wrote an article on Thinking Traps, and in it I described the ‘black and white’ trap, where you see things in the extremes of success or failure. ‘If I have the biscuit I’ve failed, and I may as well give up and start again on Monday!’. This is the classic tell of an all or nothing approach. When you notice you’re falling into this Thinking Trap, catch yourself and repeat the mantra ‘progress, not perfection’.

2. GET SPECIFIC

Vague intentions such as ‘eat more healthily’, ‘do some exercise’, or ‘study more’ rarely translate into real-world action unless some specifics are applied. The brain doesn’t work well with vague goals, but give it a well-formed outcome to work towards and it becomes like a heat-seeking missile.

If you can picture yourself carrying out the process in your mind’s eye, you are far more likely to be able to do it in real life. The three variables we need to pin down are What, When and Where.

For example, one of my hydration habits is to drink two glasses of water first thing in the morning at my kitchen sink. Right now in my mind I can see myself drinking those glasses of water, bleary eyed having just got out of bed, standing right next to my kitchen sink.

Aristotle told us that we are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is a habit, not an act. Do enough small things consistently enough, and you can achieve anything. But we need to be specific about what these small things are. For me, just drinking 2 glasses of water in the morning isn’t going to be enough to help me reach my daily energy and health goals, but if I do it alongside a few other habits it makes a noticeable difference.

Try this exercise:

Think of a good habit you already have, or have had in the past, and write it down in the form of What, When and Where. Perhaps you already have a piece of fruit with your lunch every day… your ‘3W’ habit might be ‘eat a piece of fruit immediately after finishing my lunch, at my kitchen table’.

Practice this with a few other habits you already have, and then think about some of the additional processes that would help you achieve your goals. Take some of the +1s you wrote down in the previous exercise and put them into the 3W format. Paint the picture in your mind’s eye of you carrying out these actions so that you’re confident you can turn it from a vague intention to solid reality. 

3. CONNECT THE WHAT TO THE WHY

At the point you make a decision to pursue a new goal or make some changes in your life your levels of motivation are high. It’s exciting, it’s new, and you’re energised by the prospect of moving away from the thing that’s hurting you, or moving towards some exciting and improved future. There’s a saying that goes ‘he who has a strong enough why, will overcome anyhow’.

So we put up with the discomfort of denying ourselves things that give us pleasure and the extra energy involved in doing things differently, because our ‘why’ is motivating us.

But as time passes the pull of this big emotional reason begins to wane, and the new habit can start to feel more like a chore. Things that we ‘should’ do, which quickly become the pressure-release valve for when we’re feeling stressed. With all the other things that are causing stress in your life this is one thing that you can control. Nobody can tell you what to eat, how much to exercise or when to study…

And so the connection between the What (the habit) and the Why (the reason for wanting to achieve the goal) is broken.

Instead of putting yourself at the mercy of this ebb and flow of motivation, continue to develop the connection between the What to the Why.

In neuroscience, Hebb’s Law tells us that what gets fired together gets wired together. By consciously thinking about the emotional reason for wanting to achieve the goal at the same time that you are carrying out the new behaviour, you fire both neural circuits in your brain which gradually wires them together.

This is the missing component in the ’21 days to build a habit’ myth. Without paying attention and giving the new behaviour intention, you don’t create the necessary neural changes that turn it into ‘just something that you do’.

Try this exercise:

For each of the habits you have written down that you want to develop, ask yourself what the benefit is. What do you hope to achieve by consistently adopting this new behaviour? Not just the physical changes you hope to see, but what this would really mean to you on an emotional level. Write this down, and each time you do the new thing bring this reason to the front of your mind.

We need to keep in mind that our brains will always put our need to survive before our desire to thrive. We’re suckers for the path of least resistance, but with a bit of care and attention it’s possible to step out of our own way, build new rock-solid habits and achieve transformational changes that we can be proud of.

George Anderson is a wellbeing, mindset and performance expert. A speaker, coach and writer, he works with individuals to help them take more action towards thriving in their physical and mental wellbeing.

He has shared his messages with organisations such as Oxford University, Dell, Experian, British Land, Wickes, Travis Perkins and the NHS.

Over the last 20 years George has run successful personal training and boot camp businesses, and produced a number of online wellbeing programs and books for running, weight loss, confidence and wellbeing.