Let’s talk about female masturbation
Masturbation. It’s got a bit of bad press over the years, right? First there were rumours it would make you blind, and then there were whispers that you’d you go hell if you should even dare think about giving your genitals a quick fondle. “Thou shalt not masturbate” has been burnt into our subconscious but guess what? Masturbating is making a comeback. Masturbation is on-trend and it’s being publicly crowned with a new name: self-pleasure.
Before describing the importance of embracing the new queen on the block, let’s address any potential resistance that you may be feeling around doing the deed yourself…
Did you know that studies have shown foetuses touch their genitals in the womb? Not because they are a sexual deviants looking for ways to get off, but because touching one’s soft parts feels comforting and pleasing.
Once we’ve been popped out of the warm and pleasurable womb, we grow up and learn through one way or another that touching one’s genitals for fun isn’t the “done thing”. If we’re one of the lucky ones, our embarrassed mother tells us to do it in the privacy of our own room. If you’re one of the unlucky ones, you’ll be taken to the doctor by a concerned parent and at the age of five have a perplexed physician stare at your private parts in order to diagnose: ‘she’s just growing up’. (Cue: deep shame around masturbation complex from this point onwards.)
There is no surprise that on a regular basis I receive messages in my inbox from women describing the deep sadness they experience upon realising that their hot new partner just “can’t bring them to orgasm”. NEWS FLASH: pleasure is an inside job. If we don’t how to pleasure ourselves to the brim, how on earth can we possibly expect someone else to know how?
As that classic meme says: “love yourself as much as you want to be loved”. However in the case of wishing to call in bed-shaking orgasms, please instead use the mantra: “self pleasure yourself as much as you want to be pleasured”.
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Self pleasure should be prescribed by the daily dosage. This doesn’t mean poppin’ your hands down your pants briefly to “rub one out”. Instead, dedicate space and time to love up and get to know the temple of your body inside out. Basically make love to yourself in the way you would expect the most skilled of tantric lovers to. By filling our sexual cup up to the brim, we not only only make better decisions around choosing our sexual partners, but we gain a deep knowledge on the intricacies of our pleasure body, which in turn activates our ability to orchestrate deeply fulfilling interactions in our life.
Ladies, it’s time to make a vow. Please take a moment to put your hand on your vulva, and another on your heart, and solemnly declare to dedicate that sweet hand cupping your orgasmic anatomy to a daily devotion of self-pleasure.
Follow Grace Hazel for female sexuality advice and empowerment on her Instagram.
Read more: 6 life-changing ways to have better sex