When it comes to pleasing your partner, oral sex can be amazing or anxiety-inducing depending on how you feel about it in the pursuit of pleasure.

Cunnilingus all too often is spoken about in hushed tones but for many is an integral part of a fulfilling sexual relationship for women, offering not only pleasurable results but also health benefits including the release of happy hormones.

With the complexity of cunnilingus often underestimated, we’ve gone straight to the experts for a guided tour of how to give (and receive) the best orgasms to make your spring sexy as hell.

“Cunnilingus is an oral sex act whereby one person uses their mouth on another person’s vulva, however, I encourage people to think about more than simply what they do with their mouth,” says Lara (AKA. Divine Theratrix) a Qualified Counsellor at JOYclub – a sex-positive online community.

“You should treat the vulva with respect, approaching it with wonder and gratitude. This will translate into your cunnilingus, giving your lover a deep sense of pleasure and ultimately creating a fantastic experience for you both.

“Whilst cunnilingus is, of course, a satisfying experience, there are also countless health benefits associated with this act. Givers of cunnilingus, for example, get to experience the so-called ‘Helper’s High’; a release of endorphins is stimulated by the satisfaction of doing good for someone else.

“In addition to this, oxytocin is produced which can alleviate headaches and stress. Finally, cunnilingus is an intimate act that can be bonding and affirming for partners; in turn, this strengthens relationships and makes people feel more connected,” she concludes.

Sounds pretty good right? So how can you make giving and receiving cunnilingus a truly mind-blowing experience? Lara has shared some invaluable tips you really won’t want to miss.

Set the scene

Firstly, set the scene by creating a comfortable and welcoming space for your lover to lie down and receive cunnilingus. Have some important things at the ready, like pillows, a blanket, a blindfold, and lube. Meanwhile, remember that ultra-bright lighting isn’t ideal; softer lighting is much more relaxing and sensual.

Think about what music your lover might want to hear in the background and if there are any scents they’re likely to enjoy. Then, invite your lover to join you. With any sexual activity, you should talk to your lover beforehand; discuss what you’re about to do and (don’t worry, this can be sexy!) say something like “I really want to worship your pussy, may I?” and if the answer is “yes”, you can continue making your lover feel comfortable.

Use selective sensory deprivation and breath work

A blindfold takes away sight whilst earplugs take away sound; removing one or both of these senses can heighten a person’s sense of touch, enhancing the satisfaction they get from cunnilingus. Equally, deep breathing will help your lover feel more intensely, whilst making a sound when they exhale will help more blood flow to their pelvic region, stimulating more sensation.

Invite your partner to breathe deeply and make a sound like “ahh” as they breathe out. You can do this with them so they don’t feel too self-conscious. You both may also enjoy the sensation that comes with both of your bodies vibrating. Do this for a few minutes, keeping one of your hands in the middle of their chest and the other on their pubic mound.

Warm up the whole body

Instead of diving straight into genital touching when your partner is laying ready to receive cunnilingus, initially pamper your lover’s body with smooth, gliding strokes of your hands and kisses. The skin is our largest organ, so it’s an excellent place to start when you want to build arousal in your partner. Imagine your touch is lighting up every area of skin that you apply your loving touch to; you should aim to ‘light up’ lots of their skin.

Begin by keeping one hand on their pubic mound and the other on their chest. As a general rule of thumb, a figure-of-eight stroking with the palm of your hand moving from one side of the chest to the other feels good and you can experiment with adding in gentle breast squeezes and cupping. By taking your time, you implicitly tell your lover that the best bit is worth waiting for; they will appreciate not being rushed.

Make sure you appreciate your lover’s body without rushing towards the main event. Use the palms of your hands to stroke your partner slowly and smoothly in circles. Move up your partner’s thighs, around their belly, over their chest, and down their arms. Experiment with different types of touch too, varying between firm and soft strokes, gentle and firm squeezes, kisses, and sucks.

Hands before mouth

Cunnilingus is an oral act, but I believe that the best oral sex follows a relaxing vulva massage. Lots of people enjoy their vulva being rubbed and I think this is a great place to start before oral stimulation. Ask your partner if they would like you to massage their vulva and, if they do, start slow. Cup your lover’s vulva with one hand whilst the other lays on the middle of their chest.

You can then use your cupped hand to introduce gently squeezing, which will stimulate the labia and legs of the clitoris. Don’t be afraid to use plenty of lube. Make sure you spend plenty of time slowly stroking up and down the labia with your fingers.

One move that I’ve had a lot of great feedback on is what I call the ‘Moose Knuckle’. Bend your index and middle fingers, using the flat surface to gently press onto the labia and glide upwards, as though you’re ironing their skin. This will put delicious pressure on the legs of the clitoris and encourage the area to swell with blood.

Observe their body language

Understanding your lover’s body language will help you identify when it’s time to speed up, when you need to maintain the same pace, when you ought to slow down, and when your lover is ready for more intense stimulation.

As well as listening to their breathing, consider how their spine might be arching and what sounds they’re making; observing how their pelvis moves will give you some good clues. The more aroused their vulva becomes, the more their hips will open. I recommend that until you notice opening and undulating in the pelvis, you maintain a steady pressure and speed. You want to slowly develop your lover’s arousal so that they want more.

Keep a soft tongue

Keeping your tongue ‘soft’, rather than tense, when you start cunnilingus means you can increase pressure if your lover wants you to. If you start with a firm pressure straight away, you might overstimulate the vulva (especially the clitoris) which can lead to a feeling of numbness.

If your tongue feels tense to you, it probably feels tense to your lover too. Your partner’s vulva should feel very warm, wet, and swollen for your mouth after you’ve prepared them with plenty of non-oral touching. If you think they’re ready, ask them if they would like to feel your mouth before you begin licking and sucking.

Keep showing attention to other areas of the body if you can whilst giving cunnilingus; for example, try chest stroking or nipple tweaking, if that’s welcome. Long, slow, upward licks with a ‘flat’ tongue will also build more arousal before you move onto direct stimulation of the head of the clitoris.

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