Divorce is often a really difficult time, both in terms of the practical things you need to do – such as paperwork and sorting out finances – and emotionally, navigating conflicting feelings and finding a way forward with your ex as you move through the process.

Finalising a divorce can take several months or even years, and if not managed well it can lead to stress, fatigue and burnout. Here are some tried and tested ways to manage the pressure and stay calm throughout.

1. Lean on your support network

Divorce can sometimes lead people to isolate themselves, when reaching out and getting support from friends and family could be a much better option. It’s a major life event, and social connection is one of the most reliable ways to navigate any upheaval or change.

It can be difficult to ask for support, or even just to be the one to suggest meeting up, but it’s so important to keep those connections strong and rely on people close to us during difficult times.

2. Prioritise your health

When going through a big transition like divorce, we can sometimes let maintaining our health fall by the wayside – neglecting exercise because you’re staying up late to do paperwork, skipping meals or spending more time on your phone. But staying healthy keeps your energy levels up and helps regulate your mood at a time when it might otherwise be vulnerable to sudden swings.

Getting enough sleep is one of the best ways to take care of your body and mind. If you’re struggling to sleep, the NHS has some useful guidelines to help you fall asleep more quickly. Eating a balanced diet and keeping an eye on your sugar, fast food and alcohol intake can also make a real difference to how you feel.

Moving improves your mental health thanks to the release of endorphins and helps us feel physically better in our bodies instead of carrying tension. You don’t have to run a marathon – even going for a brisk walk can get your heart rate up and leave you feeling more energised. The Mental Health Foundation has some simple exercises you can do to boost your mood.

3. Try mindfulness and small routines

Divorce creates a lot of mental noise and mindfulness can be a really effective tool for quietening that noise and helping you feel more grounded. This doesn’t have to mean sitting cross-legged for an hour. Even a few minutes of focused breathing can help – try breathing in for a count of six and out for a count of eight. Extending the exhale in this way tells your nervous system that you are safe, allowing you to reset. If this helps, you could try yogic breathing techniques too.

Alongside mindfulness, small daily routines like a consistent wake-up time, a short walk or even just making time for a proper lunch can provide structure when everything else feels uncertain. “These practices don’t make the pain or the uncertainty or the anxiety go away,” explains Cathy Eads, a certified yoga instructor who appears on The Divorce Podcast. “They give you some tools to help you soothe yourself, calm yourself and ground yourself.”

4. Take time for yourself

With so many demands competing for attention – legal proceedings, paperwork, potentially moving house, childcare, work – it’s easy to forget to rest. Making time for yourself is essential, or you risk burning out, which can slow the whole process down. 

Try to carve out some time for yourself each day, or at least once a week, to do something you enjoy. It can be as simple as going for a walk or run, making your favourite meal or catching up with a friend.

5. Get the right help 

If you’re struggling with the divorce process, you don’t have to manage it alone – and you don’t have to go to court either.

Most couples assume that solicitors are the only option to get divorced. But non-court dispute resolution (NCDR) helps couples reach agreements without the conflict and cost of court proceedings. Options include mediation, where a neutral third party helps guide discussions, and services such as amicable, which take an empathy-led approach to working through the legal and financial aspects of separation together.

NCDR tends to be faster, less stressful and considerably cheaper than going to court – and crucially, it’s designed to help both partners feel heard, which can make a real difference to your emotional wellbeing during the process. It can also set you up for a better relationship with your ex going forward, which makes a big difference if you go on to co-parent your children.

Despite NCDR meaning you don’t have to go to court, your agreement can still be made legally binding in a consent order, without the stress of a lengthy court battle.

Moving forward post-divorce

Divorce is difficult. There are big changes happening, emotions to deal with and a lot of admin – all of which would test anyone. But with the right support and habits in place, you can protect your energy, stay focused and keep moving towards what comes next. And what comes next can be really good.

As Kate Daly, the co-founder of amicable, says, “Divorce can feel like a full-frontal assault, forcing you to think deeply about your life and what’s really important. Whether motivated by a change in circumstance or a passion rediscovered, there is opportunity in the chaos.”