Take the quiz: What role do you play in love?
Find out which archetype you evoke when you’re in love? Take our quiz to find out your M.O. in relationships.
1. What’s your idea of a perfect first date?
A. A boozy comedy night
B. Indoor rock climbing or something active
C. A long walk in nature
D. Visit an art gallery followed by afternoon tea
E. Dinner at an exclusive restaurant
2. Which positive qualities do you bring most to a relationship?
A. Laughter and living in the moment
B. Adventure and strong leadership
C. Affection and care
D. Security and practicality
E. Commitment and vision
3. What do you look for in a relationship above all else?
A. Spontaneity and fun
B. The ability to travel together
C. Emotional and physical intimacy
D. Total transparency and trust
E. To have it all
4. Things are getting serious, do you:
A. Deliberately apply the brakes to keep things light
B. Crank the attention up a notch – and ride the wave
C. Pour your heart out to guarantee taking it to the next level
D. Be on high alert: every move you now make is absolutely crucial
E. Confirm with your partner that you’re now officially an item
5. If your partner stops making an effort, what would you do?
A. Go off and flirt with someone else
B. Give them space and pursue your own interests instead
C. Arrange quality time together, so you can get close again
D. Say or do nothing, wait and see what happens
E. Take charge and confront your partner with what’s wrong
The 5 love types
Carl Jung, the famous Swiss psychoanalyst, identified various combinations of personal characteristics that identify us in ways that are universally recognisable: these are known as archetypes. With Valentine’s Day around the corner, we have followed Jung’s lead and formed his key archetypes into five groups – and imagined the Love Language they speak.
Your archetype is: ‘THE JOKER’’
Always fun to be around, you surround yourself with laughter and play. Your motto is ‘Anything goes’, as you’re spontaneous, mischievous and impulsive. You like to break the rules, flirt and enjoy random relationships as opposed to a special one. Once you drop your mask you may reveal a vulnerable and insecure side beneath your persona.
The language of love for ‘The Joker’ is physical and you experience lust easily. You need to be kept on your toes and love surprises.
Your archetype is: ‘THE HERO’
You appear both strong and brave, and demonstrate mastery. Naturally, you enjoy taking calculated risks and may err on the wrong side of stress management. Be mindful about neglecting your partner or being impatient with them due to your over-extended schedule.
Remember you can’t be a hero in every area in your life. Using your love of adventure to maintain your fitness levels is a great way to help balance your mind and body.
Your language of love centres on sharing experiences. You’ll feel closest when embarking on thrilling, romantic overseas expeditions – just the two of you.
Your archetype is: ‘THE RECEPTIVE LOVER’
Easy going and loyal, you’re good company. As well as being trusting, understanding and deeply caring, you build relationships gradually and are happiest when in a partnership. Although you’re not very adventurous or spontaneous, you’re balanced in life – peace of mind comes naturally to you. In fact, you’re just the type of person anyone would be happy to introduce to their parents.
The language of love for ‘The Receptive Lover’ is through the spoken word. You offer (and crave) reassurance and romantic notes. Just ensure your loving heart doesn’t mean you lose your own identity in the process.
Your archetype is: ‘THE REALIST’
You’re timid and cautious in love because you like to get it right. Relationships take time to build, as you need to get to know the person well before making any major decisions that could have risky consequences. Prone to overthinking, you may struggle to trust others’ intentions. But once you have enough information about a person, you will accept them for who they are, as you’re wise enough to know that everyone has faults.
The language of love for ‘The Realist’ is always tangible – so meaningful gifts mean a lot.
Your archetype is: ‘THE IDEALIST’
From the start, you rule the relationship and set very high standards for yourself and your partner. But once you have built a strong connection, you are fiercely loyal.
Your constant striving to meet unrealistic standards can lead to a negative cycle of self-dissatisfaction and depression at worst. Live true to your vision, but accept that everyone (including you) is only human.
The language of love for ‘The Idealist’ is spoken through romantic gestures – organising a special dinner or a massage.
You can elicit different archetypes at different times, depending on the changing needs of the relationship. The Joker, for example, can bring fun to a long-term partnership.
Read more: Philosophy of love — is love just a beautiful lie?
TOP TIPS TO FIND YOUR BALANCE
ADDRESS SIGNAL FAILURE
You are in control of your brand image, so if you are giving out the wrong signals to potential partners, it’s up to you to address that and reveal the person you want to be.
CREATE A LAUNCHPAD FOR LOVE
Identifying with an archetype is useful to begin discovering more about yourself. However, it needs to be adapted as the awareness of yourself and your talents becomes deeper. When you take time to get to know yourself better, you can then work out what you would look for in a mate. If you feel good about yourself, it comes across in an attractive way.
Find the real you and think about what you want and what you don’t want. Listen to your gut! Does it feel right? Is the attraction immediate and does it remain? Or does it take time to build that rapport? Only you can judge your feelings. When you think back to a time when you felt deep attraction and oneness with someone – remember how it felt. Use all your senses to recall the specific sensory details, context and sequence of events that felt right. Finding a long-term loving relationship has health and emotional benefits: helping to heal your mind, soul and body.
What’s your style when it comes to relationships and dating?
MEET THE EXPERT
Natalie Dee is an experienced life and personal branding coach. She’s head of programmes at Quidnunc, a business development and communications consultancy.