Talk about egg on your face. As regular readers will attest, I’m an openminded chap. But the thought of a Mayan Egg Cleanse was almost an alternative step too far, even for me. Was someone really going to cleanse my soul with an egg? Spoiler: the answer is… not yet. But this ancient healing act proved fascinating.

Roland Torikian, from the renowned Triyoga in Camden, is lively and charismatic. The Maya Healer hands me an egg – a regular, supermarket-bought egg, which will cleanse my aura and enable Roland to offer an evaluation – and asks me about myself. The nervous waffle kicks in. I’m incapable of relaxing, a textbook child of divorce; anxious. As I worry I’ve shared too much (or not enough), Roland holds my gaze. “I’m not buying it.” These are labels we use, he argues – hiding mechanisms. And I wasn’t born this way, either. Rather, this is a result of “karmic thrust”: I’ve been like this in previous lives. “So, 1550s me was an over-thinker?” I whimper, certain there’s no way that can be what he means. “Exactly!” he beams.

Some of you will have tapped out at “previous lives”, however Roland is so patient and passionate in his explanation, it’s impossible for me not to join his journey. I’m still holding the egg, nervously passing it from hand to hand, and Roland starts to “pulse” me (feeling for a reaction in both wrists). Twice, he uses the word “aggressive” and I think, “Not once have I said aggressive. WHY DOES HE THINK I’M AGGRESSIVE?”

Roland takes the egg, rubs it on my head, shoulders and back, then cracks it into a glass to essentially read the findings. “Look at the bubbles at the top: anger. Are you angry?” “Perhaps in my youth. It’s there, but I manage it.” Anger, Roland says, is good, and I should express it, just like all emotion. “You have lots of energy.” Again, spot on.

Examining the marked yolk, he says I’m damaged by the things I’d talked about. These sensations I feel are real. I feel oddly vindicated. A massage proves quite the gear change, and he senses tension in my stomach. This is emotional, rather than physical, pain, he says. I take his word for it.

This will take more than one session, although I have already taken on his advice: I’ve returned to swimming to do more cardio, and use a foam roller to de-knot my shoulders. In fact, there’s only one downside – I’ve not touched an omelette since.