Why you need to stop judging yourself and start loving yourself
What does being non-judgemental mean to you? Do you consider it to be accepting of all persons, regardless of race, religion, culture, age, gender and sexual preference? Not treating anyone else differently solely because they have a different belief system to you? Certainly this is one aspect of it. However, the non judgement of self is also an important part of our spiritual growth.
We have had a deep need as humans to be liked and to be part of the group, ever since it was necessary to be part of the tribe in order to be fed and protected, when our lives depended on it. Of course this is not the case today but, still, that innate desire to belong exists.
So to be accepted as okay, to pass the judgment of others, we often conform and bend ourselves into a version that is considered the norm. Much, if not all of this, is ingrained because of how we are raised. Yet once we become ensnared into a certain way of thinking and behaving in order to please – whether this be family, school or work related – we are imprisoned, not allowed to be our natural selves, as we were as a young child.
No more labels
It may well seem that conforming works to our best advantage. But suppressing who we really are causes emotional and energetic blocks that can contribute to health issues. The vast array of mental health problems and physical ailments serves to illustrate that something is not working in the way we collectively live our lives. We define ourselves all too easily by our lifestyle choices. Yet, being described by a certain label often sets up divisions – which of course is resistance by another name. Whenever we resist, we are out of flow.
To live a life in balance, to prosper mentally, emotionally and physically, we need to apply self love, meaning we need to treat ourselves with the same consideration and respect we give out to others. When it comes to self, we make the same and often harsher assessments than we do of others – I’m too fat/ugly, I’m not clever/accomplished, I should be kinder/more motivated and so on. When we judge ourselves, we are measuring. We need to halt this judginess and show ourselves the love. This is as important as physical self care.
How to stop judging yourself – today
Take a day and count how many times you castigate yourself for some action. Every time you think I should have done/not done – because those words imply you fell short and missed the mark –don’t just lower the bar, remove it altogether.
When you learn not to judge yourself, not judging others naturally follows. It’s an ongoing practise to actively replace judgement with observation, so when you notice a judgemental thought, just release it, then cancel it out with a positive one about yourself.
An expert in the art of mindfulness Jon Kabat – Zinn speaks of it as “ not judging the judging” we do. We will judge until we learn not to, and we need to treat ourselves with love and compassion in the process. As Barefoot Doctor, a master of non judgement explains “ Letting go of judgement is not about being saintly, it’s actually just about freeing yourself from judging yourself and so attracting judgement from others. Peace of mind consists of not fighting with yourself about everything and anything you’re doing or not doing.”
Loving ourselves fully – or mindfully, non judgmentally – brings an inner peace which extends out to the collective on an energetic level. And that means we are contributing to the love pool that the world very much needs.
Discover more from holistic healer Helen Kirby here