My name is James Gill, and I sleep separately from my wife… Phew! That just felt good to say out loud. Thanks, guys.

Please know that this isn’t by choice. Heck, we’re both somewhat mortified about the whole thing. But one of our children simply won’t stay in their own bed. We’ve tried everything bar super glue and a harness, and we’re not ruling those out. Friends shake their heads in slack-jawed disbelief that we’ve let it get to this stage (and you’re possibly doing the same right now), but we’ve made our bed and now we have to sleep in it. Albeit in completely different rooms, of course.

ALONE TOGETHER

Here’s the twist, the sort M Night Shyamalan would appreciate: it’s great. Oh goodness, there’s a degree of unease in admitting such a thing. But the fact is, my wife and I sleep better than ever. The knock-on effects are huge: we don’t wake each other up with irritating snoring, rolling and kicking (and that’s just me).

There’s no tip-toeing in terror should you need a witching-hour wee (again, just me). And, best of all, you can keep the bedside light on for a read, rather than standing accused of trying to attempt a midnight interrogation. The health benefits may also surprise you.

Because you sleep through the night, energy and concentration levels improve, as does your skin, especially the dark circles around your eyes (if you just thought, “What dark circles?”, you either don’t have children or are an actual child). And, get this: it’s genuinely lovely to see one another each morning. Mind you, I’m yet to hear this compliment returned.

LOVE LIFE AGAIN

At the risk of making myself blush like a schoolboy, our sex life has also improved. Sex takes place when the children aren’t around (obviously),during the day. So instead of the perfunctory late-night approach of “Well, we probably should, shouldn’t we? It’s late and we’re married, after all…” sex is something you actually look forward to, rather than something that is seen as an archaic matrimonial contractual obligation.

In fact, the knock-on effects of sleeping separately continue to be so profound that, once our daughter grows out of sleeping with mum and dad (well, mum), we’d be tempted to lace her evening milk with Nytol before carrying her into our room.