Come on, be honest: do you ever look at other people’s seemingly amazing lives and wonder whether your own life is just a bit, well, boring?

Do you, on rare nights out, determined to prove you’ve still got a life, knock back so much booze you’re groaning ‘sweet Lord, take me now’ the morning after?

If so, welcome to the club: you’re having a No Life Crisis. And don’t worry about it – millions of other people are, too. The NLC can strike at any time, but is most common in people like me: the growing army of careerists who put off having children until their late 30s.

WHO GOT IT RIGHT?

Until I had my first child, at 38, I’d enjoyed a 20-year adolescence. It was all ‘me, me, me’ with extra helpings of ‘me’. But these days, the payback is there’s only time for working, cleaning, cooking and – my favourite hobby – sleeping.

In my teens, I’d scoff at schoolmates who ‘threw their lives away’ by having babies when they were still kids themselves. But now, while I’m warming milk for my two-year-old daughter at 4am, they’re out quaffing cocktails with their teenage offspring.

STAYING YOUNG

And when the opportunity does arise to get on the sauce, the NLCs are like sailors on shore leave. A recent report from the Alcohol Research Group shows that, on average, over-35s neck a week’s booze – 14 units, or about a bottle and a half of wine – in one night. It’s not big, it’s not clever, but who hasn’t done it? You’ve got to live a bit, even if you feel like death the next day.

My seven-year-old son has a more active social life than me. And, crushingly, so do my parents and in-laws – despite between them having a pacemaker, two false knees, three gammy legs and a congenital heart condition. As for me and the missus, we prefer to fall asleep drooling on each other’s shoulders while failing to finish yet another episode of House Of Cards. Hey, it’s a parent thing.

A LIFE LESS ORDINARY

But so what? If you judge your life by the edited highlights of others, you’re doomed to failure. True contentment comes when you don’t care what other people think, apart from those you truly love.

Above all, take comfort. Your social life has to be more exciting than mine. I might need to get a life, but compared to me, you’ve definitely got one. You’re welcome…